He's still at it nan

You are so much better out of it nanny over a year later Robert is still at it spouting his vile rubbish.
Trying to make out we didn't love you god if we could do it all again we would have told him where to go he sends mum a message saying he doesn't want anything to do with us we havent been near him since the funeral nan.
I promised myself that would be it and it was l am so glad to know that you are not hear to hear the trash out of your sons mouth.
Miss you every day nan xx

Dear Nanny

I have been thinking a lot about you today, l feel like l can feel your presence around me nan and that comforts me more than you can know. I wish the day of the twins party that l had got you a taxi to come and be with us nan. I am so sorry l feel bad every day for that. Christmas this year will not be the same with out you how can it ever be the same again. Death has slapped us all in the face so very hard. You were always there for us if we wanted someone to talk to and my guilt is that we let you down. I think all we can do is try and make sure we live life to the full in future and to enjoy life and our relaionships. Thats the legacy that you have left us with nan so you can be proud of that. I still have a cry nearly every day l don't see that ending because thats the kind of person that l am. I havent seen Robert, Sam has a few times and he ignores him which is okay by us l know you would probably tell us to forgive Robert but l can't nan. He took you away from us all his choices will affect us for ever. We never had the chance to say goodbye. I wonder what it was like for you. Did you know you were dying did you know that we loved you and do love you so very much.I wish we could make it up to you. You will laugh at this l was going to have a tattoo done!!!! I felt like l needed something permanent to remember you by but thinking about it l am not sure l can face the pain!. I have decided that l am going to make a donation to Action on Elder Abuse every month to help other old people who might find themselves in your position. You are not alone nanny it happens every day in the week nan. Relatives abuse their relatives the very people who gave them life. I can't belive a relative would treat someone that way. I would never treat you like that nan you are lovely. You were the light of my kids lives they adored you. They have been devastated by the loss. Daisy and Adam point you out in the photos they will never forget you nan. I will make sure of that.

Love Sarah xx

P.S day one of my diet went well yesterday !! x

Dear Nanny

Hi Nanny,
I know l havent written in a while but you ar not out of my thoughts. I think of you every day. I have the usual worries going on you know me. Its money and the diet!!!!. If a magic wand could sort them out l would be really happy. I havent been able to get rid of the stone l put on when you died nan l have tried l really have and sometimes l can manage to lose a few pounds but then its back on the nest week. I know Del is looking at me thinking its going to go back on. What can l do nan. I get to lunch time and then l just lose all my will power.We are all still grieving for you and its so hard. I went to your grave last week with fresh flowers and l wanted to cry l miss you nan. I wish we could have you back for just an hour to say goodbye properly. Did you know how much you were loved nan? did we take you for granted?Your last years which should have been spent in comfort were spent in hell we can't take that back and that is what hurts so much. You were truly loved but so let down at the end. I hate Robert for what he has done l will never ever forgive him for what he did to you him and that scumbag Kieran they are the scum of the earth.Del is away at the moment on a golfing trip so l am here on my own thinking about todays diet failure and how it will be different tomorrow. I can't watch soaps anymore without thinking of you you lovedyour soaps you loved a gossip about the latest plots and what was going on with who.It was the twis parents evening yesterday she said Adam is really shy. Not at home!! He really is a gentle giant like his dad untill he is upset!!.

Love Sarah.

Dear Nanny

Hello nanny. Its your 84th birhday today and l have been thinking about you all day. You are never out of my thoughts any way but today it hits you harder you should be here we should be celebrating your special day.I feel like l want to cry all the time l still can't believe we will never see you again. I can hear your voice in my head if l shut my eyes l can see you. It doesn't make sense none of it the longer we try and make some sense of it nanny the harder it gets. I have had a bad slip on my diet again l know l know my will power is slipping badly l will try again tomorrow. I have been busy decoraing our house giving it a splash of colour del is away till thursday doing a shop refit. Ifeel like l am having my own mimi refit!!. I have been thinking of all the things you have done for us over the years l remember all those trips to france you came on with me and when you took me and jayne to dancing on ice of course that all stopped when robert moved in with you. He ook over your life. Do you remember when you came to beetle drives with me and paul sayell? H e was a mouse compared to me huh!! Th e quiet in the house has stopped so l will finish for now love you nanny happy birthday.

Sarah xxxx

Dear Nanny

Hi Nanny,

Everyone is in bed so l thought l would drop you a line to tell you how things are. Its day two of my diet and l'm feeling ok about it l have to keep the end goal in sight and its only 3 months. I miss you nan l can't believe we will never see you again. its so hard l suppose it will get easier but how do we get over you nanny. I can never forgive robert for what he put you through in the last days of your life. This christmas will not be the same no christmas will ever be the same again. or birthdays

Sarah xx

Dear Nanny

Hi Nanny,
Well l bet you guessed my diet didn't go well yesterday but l got on the scales this morning and now l know l have to get back on track l worked too hard to put it all back on l would be letting so many people down if l did that.Including you nan do you remember you told me how well l'd done when l saw you at mums. I don't want to let anyone down and l promised myself that l will be in that dress for Christmas.Jayne will be over in a minute so l can print some photos off of you. I don't have many and l want to keep you alive in my house nanny. You will never be forgotten l wish we could just have 5 more minutes to tell you how much we love you.

Sarah x

Dear Nanny

Hello nanny its been a couple of days but l haven't forgotten you nanny. I thought l would let you know whats been happening in your family this week. Stephen decided to disappear yesterday for 6 hours we we on the verge of calling the police when he appeared round the corner full of attitude. I was on the verge of calling the police maybe l shouldn't always think the worst but in this day and age you have to assume the worst first l think. I haven't decided what punishment to give him yet l don't think he cares what it is cos hes been out now. I miss you so much nan its not getting any easier. Yesterday we drove through winslow on the way to Daniels football match in Aylesbury and all l could think of was you, you walked up and down that road for over 60 years and you will never do it again. Life doesn't seem fair l know we all talk about dying its something that will happen to us all but when it touches you in such a quick and sudden way its so hard to deal with. I keep looking at your photograph and l can't believe we will never talk to you again you will never see Daisy and Adam grow up. We always think there will be a tomorrow to say things and do things but the hard truth is that one day there won't be. That is such a harsh lesson for us to learn. Some of haven't grasped it yet nan but they will.You will live for ever in our hearts l will never let my children forget you and all that you were. Daniel scored a goal at football yesterday he was so happy. His confidence is on such a high at the moment. He has changed so much since the bad days nan. He is still a bad tempered teenager but he is so lovely at times you could almost forget the past. I was so angry at the twins school today Adam likes me to walk him right in but today she grabbed him at the door and pulled him away from me. Poor Adam was in floods of tears and Daisy looked all hurt and bewildered l am so angry that once they get to school teachers take them a way from you nan. I have started my diet again today ! l know l know but all l can do is keep persevering l made a promise to Del that l would be in that little green dress on Christmas day and l have to not only for him but for me as well. Robert sent mum an e mail saying my latest poem on Mk.com is about him it isn't nan its about how we face up to life without you. Its a good job he hasn't read the one on here our little secret huh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!