Dear Nanny

I have been thinking a lot about you today, l feel like l can feel your presence around me nan and that comforts me more than you can know. I wish the day of the twins party that l had got you a taxi to come and be with us nan. I am so sorry l feel bad every day for that. Christmas this year will not be the same with out you how can it ever be the same again. Death has slapped us all in the face so very hard. You were always there for us if we wanted someone to talk to and my guilt is that we let you down. I think all we can do is try and make sure we live life to the full in future and to enjoy life and our relaionships. Thats the legacy that you have left us with nan so you can be proud of that. I still have a cry nearly every day l don't see that ending because thats the kind of person that l am. I havent seen Robert, Sam has a few times and he ignores him which is okay by us l know you would probably tell us to forgive Robert but l can't nan. He took you away from us all his choices will affect us for ever. We never had the chance to say goodbye. I wonder what it was like for you. Did you know you were dying did you know that we loved you and do love you so very much.I wish we could make it up to you. You will laugh at this l was going to have a tattoo done!!!! I felt like l needed something permanent to remember you by but thinking about it l am not sure l can face the pain!. I have decided that l am going to make a donation to Action on Elder Abuse every month to help other old people who might find themselves in your position. You are not alone nanny it happens every day in the week nan. Relatives abuse their relatives the very people who gave them life. I can't belive a relative would treat someone that way. I would never treat you like that nan you are lovely. You were the light of my kids lives they adored you. They have been devastated by the loss. Daisy and Adam point you out in the photos they will never forget you nan. I will make sure of that.

Love Sarah xx

P.S day one of my diet went well yesterday !! x